mellow yellow

I sold this bike:

It was the first big-purchase I ever made, seeing as I spent the entirety of my sixth-grade graduation money on this bike. It was a huge disappointment though, because the bike I ordered was Army Green and this one was Fire Engine Red. I was too excited to wait for the right one to be shipped in, so I said ok to red. That was a decision I regretted for the next decade or so. It was a good bike for Delaware, the Valley, etc., and the places I used to ride with my dad while he ran.

During the period in York where I was bored/crafty and bored/painted-everything-yellow, I made over this bike:
(I forgot to take a before picture)


My family vacationed most summers at Ocean City, NJ, and those vacations always included early-morning bike-rides on the boardwalk. One year, my mom really fell in love with the boardwalk biking and my dad bought her this bike so she could ride all year long. She didn't really ride that much, so let me make it over from blue to banana while in York. It is a better bike for city-riding than my old mountain bike. I broke it in yesterday riding to Staples, and today riding to T-Mobile/all along the Lake.

The other bike will always have better memories,
but this one is so much prettier.
Biking in Chicago is a new kind of stressful,
but someone always hammered into my head to look both ways.

DNT EEC

On the drive out of York, we stopped to look at the Early Ed Center that was named for my dad and was his last big project. I could tell it was his work because it had trademark floor plan with a multi-purpose room in the middle, classrooms around the outside of the building, and the main office as soon as you walk in. It was clean, well-excecuted and had nice tile floors. I approve.


Classroom.


That's what he said.


Midgy dining hall.


In-door playground.


Outdoor playground that looks like an indoor playground.


Yes, I am.


Teacher's room.


Gillymonster.


All the little children.

smells like snow

So today was the first snow of the season. The last time it snowed was the night my dad died. Now I hate snow.

i dreamed that love would never die

The ultimate underdog singing from my dad's favorite musical.


And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

all these things

that I've found in cleaning out Grey Gardens or in grosso York.


Softballs that my dad kept from some of his best games. He didn't realize at the time that he was saving one for Jeff, Jenny, and me to hold onto.


baby Beatle!


this is what people eat for dinner in York


This is one of the three thousand boxes of my dad's writings that I have organized (and will later turn into the most awesome book(s) ever), on computer paper that is folded in half. I think I know now where I got my hypergraphic tendencies. The irony is that he pulled out his horoscope for something regarding a sermon and he was the sign of Cancer.


From the envelope from the last Valentine card my dad gave me. It's actually from the second to last Valentine's he was alive, but the last one in his real handwriting. I love.

2 weeks

My dad passed away two weeks ago today and things are getting harder. Now everyone has gone back home, the service is over, and its just me & my mom back to the way things were before, except so surreal and sad. It feels like the ice is beginning to thaw.

newspaper

this doesn't feel real yet
front page

top papa pix

some of my favorite pictures from the memorial service slideshow that Jeff & I compiled:

from the zito basement

I spent the days after my dad's memorial service in the zito basement with wilmington's finest food, the oceanic six, and dvds.


1. 300: I fell asleep.

No grade.

2. Hancock: so good I watched it three times [off and on] in a 48 hour period.

A+

3. I am Legend: zombies are lame.

C-

4. the others: i'd seen this before but forgot, so it was brand-new to me. i likes.

B

5. GI Jane: very serious movie about why women should not be allowed in the army.

C+

6. laguna beach season 1: i was a LB virgin and am very glad to not be anymore.

A

35

Happy anniversary M&D <3

what sarah said

my current song to play on repeat:

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye

Then I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself
Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room just nervous paces bracing for bad news
Then the nurse comes round and everyone lifts their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

now cinderella don't you go to sleep

anyone else who is awake at 3:44 AM on Christmas morning is either an elf, way excited, or sad, so probably a friend of mine.